NOSTALGIA AIN'T WHAT IT USED TO BE

With many people predicting that the year-2000 software problem will mean the end of life as we know it, a jokester—yearning, in a strange way, for simpler times—recently circulated the following over the Internet:

Corporate has determined that to prevent the year-2000 problem from affecting our company—and your stock warrants—we will remove all computers from the desktop. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.

Because we will no longer have internal technical support, we are supplying you with the following answers to frequently asked questions:

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?

A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn off my Etch-A-Sketch?

A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?

A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?

A: Don't shake it.

SPAM I AM

On any given day, about one-third of the e-mail messages AOL receives from the Internet are unsolicited spam, according to Alan Schwartz and Simson Garfinkel, authors of the book Stopping Spam.

TO THE BARRICADES!

Many experts say that the major countries in Europe are hurting themselves by letting phone monopolies keep local rates so high that businesses and individuals are less inclined to use the Internet than are their counterparts in the U.S. But, in the best tradition of protests in Europe, Web users banded together late last year to do something about the problem.

Users in Spain struck first, organizing a one-day boycott of the Internet by thousands of people after prices for local calls shot up more than 100%. Many Web site owners also temporarily shut down operations and posted the message, "on strike." Perhaps because of the boycott and the attendant publicity, one phone company agreed to lower its rates. Users in Germany and France staged similar protests, though, as of yet, without visible result.

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE

Michael Kinsley, editor of Slate magazine, once dismissed most of the Internet postings that claim to be news, because he couldn't tell how reliable the writers were. "When I eat at a fancy restaurant," he said, "I want my meal cooked by the chef, not the guy at the next table."

He has a point: Much of what passes for information on the Web may be fiction, or, at best, "faction." Just ask the New York Times. It recently ran a story about how American movie titles can wind up with bizarre—and sometimes comic—translations abroad, especially in Asia, where literal titles are preferred. "Leaving Las Vegas" was translated in Cantonese to "I'm Drunk, and You're a Prostitute," the story reported. "The Crying Game" became "Oh No! My Girlfriend Has a Penis!" The Pamela Anderson Lee picture "Barb Wire" became "Delicate Orbs of Womanhood Bigger Than Your Head Can Hurt You."

The joke, it seems, was on the Times. Someone the reporter trusted had vouched for the translations, but they turned out to be spoofs that originated from an Internet comedy site. Oops.

DRIVING MISS DAISY

"Maybe in a couple of years, in addition to Avon ladies, we'll have Ford ladies showing up in pink Ford convertibles to take you for a test-drive."—Esther Dyson, author, editor, and chairwoman of the Electronic Frontier Foundation, talking about how information technology may reshape the auto-dealers network.

WALKING THE TIGHTROPE

"How do you step on the gas and the brake at the same time?"

—John Jacquay, president and chief operating officer of GRIC Communications, wondering how to make the move to electronic commerce without wreaking havoc on existing distribution channels.

'I'LL HAVE MY MACHINE TALK TO YOUR MACHINE'

Sun Microsystems' chief scientist, John Gage, recently waxed eloquent about what will happen when chips are in everything and can talk to each other. Speaking on a panel at the Digital Frontier Conference at Northwestern University's Kellogg Graduate School of Management, he said that, for instance, windows will soon be able to tell the lights how much sun is passing through. The lights will then adjust and save electricity.

"Be careful what you wish for," interjected Joe Schoendorf, executive partner at Accel Partners, a big venture capital firm in Silicon Valley. "I have a Global Positioning System in my car, and the other day, as I was telling my phone what number to call, the GPS said, 'Turn right.' The phone said, 'I do not understand. Please repeat.' So my GPS and my phone wound up talking to each other."

Mr. Schoendorf also described the most innovative request for financing he had seen in many moons. He said a group wanting to start a company related to Internet security began its presentation by saying, "We wanted to show you guys how good we are. So, as long as we're requesting $3 million in financing from you, we took the liberty of going into your bank account this morning and transferring $3 million to our account." Mr. Schoendorf said the story checked out, so, duly impressed, he and his partners decided to finance the start-up.

THE OPPOSING VIEW

"The arrival of the Internet will affect every industry in some way, but for 50% or more of the economy it's not a transformational event."